Toni’s Blog

Guest Writers

The Bereavement Room

Standing outside the maternity ward, having a cigarette with a group of expectant fathers,  I was given a cigar and asked whether I’d had a girl or a boy.  I replied.  “I had the most beautiful little girl in the world.”

I stubbed out my cigarette and went back into the ward where the chatter of joyful new parents and the robust cries of newborn babies swirled in counterpoint with the silence of Jessica.  The newly polished and tiled floors, offered no comfort.  In fact they only served to echo my cries.  I felt at the time that this was not fair, not right.  Why should I have to experience the darkest hours of my life with strangers who are experiencing the happiest hours of theirs?

When we were better able to discuss such things, Sally mentioned that this situation was all too familiar.  Mothers and fathers of stillborn babies have always had to hide their grief during the seemingly pointless labour.  Whilst the mothers must listen to the cries of newborn babies, father must walk the halls and grounds of the hospital where family members bearing gifts of flowers and chocolates are congratulating new parents.

Sally mentioned to me that a bereavement room with a separate entrance would go a long way to alleviate the short-term grief suffered by families who have experienced a still birth.  When I asked why such an obviously necessary facility did not exist, she informed me that the NHS would not cover it.  At that moment, the seed of Jessica’s song sprouted its roots...

In the interest of helping other families who will go through the sadness and despair of stillbirth, I decided then to tell Jessica’s story with my music, with the hope that it would bring this tragic subject out of hiding.  I also knew that I had to contribute towards making the bereavement room a reality.  Therefore, proceeds from this album will be donated to Southend General Hospital for the purpose of constructing a dedicated space for grieving parents.  My deepest hope is that this idea will eventually go around the country...

About the Album

The music here will not immediately appeal to everybody.  For this, I make no apologies.  Quite simply, I reached into the depths of my many and eclectic influences, Pink Floyd, Yes, Rush, Led Zeppelin, Eagles, Prince, Beatles, Queen, Rick Wakeman, Steve Vai, The Who, among many others.

The music was written and performed from these influences just as naturally as would have been my influence upon my daughter.  I realised from the beginning that I had to be honest.  I was not making a pop record.  Nor was I making a record to sell millions.  I was making a record for two very important reasons:

To tell Jessica’s story

To make people aware of a very real, yet often ignored aspect of childbirth.

Having said this, I hope you will find this music enjoyable.  It was written from my heart.  I’d be a liar if I denied the fact that this album has been a very cathartic outlet for my own pain.  However, in writing this album I have experienced and learned a great deal about both the strength and fragility of life in general; something that affects us all.

Thanks to...

...my mother and father.  You have encouraged me from the start of my musical ‘career’ and have always encouraged me since.  I love you both.

...Jordan, without you little man I would have lost all hope.  Your birth was my inspiration.

...Hal Carter, you took this project on and gave it financial backing.  You believed in it and you believed in me.  Give Jessie a kiss for me.

...Phil Aldridge, your friendship and guidance during the past eleven years has been a constant source of inspiration.

My ‘Band’

Pete Riley, Mike Stobbie, Tim Vogt, Glenn Sissons, Mark Cunningham, Phil Aldridge, and Phil Hilborne

You guys worked for next to nothing, yet you provided me with absolute professionalism.  Your talents know no bounds!

Laura

From the first time we met, you knew I had something to say.  You knew I had an album to write...  You told me to finish it.  Despite my obsession, you have not only stood by me, you have helped and inspired me.  Your boys, Dermot and Darragh have been nothing less than a revelation.  From 2005 to the present, Dermot and Darragh have been my Muse!

Jessica is smiling on you all...

Jeff Green, Cratloe, Ireland

Jan 2008

If you would like to buy the CD of Jeff Green’s tribute album ‘Jessica’ here’s the link...

http://web.mac.com/jeffrgreen/Jeff_Green/Jessica.html