Toni’s Blog

The future looked sweet for the group.  All the hard work was finally paying off and it wouldn’t be long before they hit the big time.  Then Frank dropped his bombshell...

“There’s no point looking at me like that, Sarah.  I’m not going to change my mind.”

Frank turned to the mirror and started brushing his hair.

“But you can’t give up the group now!” I protested.

My heart had almost stopped with shock when Frank told me.  He’d been acting quiet and withdrawn for a few weeks, but I’d never suspected anything like this.

“Frank, please listen to me,” I went on when he didn’t take any notice.  “You’ve worked really hard to get the group where it is.  Rehearsals, sacrificing just about everything you’ve got to buy your guitar and stuff - now you’re on the verge of really making it big!  It’s stupid to throw it away!”

“I’m due on stage in a minute,” he said quietly.  “We’ll talk about it later.”

“No!” I exploded.  “We’ll talk about it now.”

Frank turned and looked at me, his face grim.

“You’ve just been offered a tour of England and Wales as support band to a top line group,” I went on, pronouncing my words slowly and clearly.  “That means you’ll be seen and heard by an awful lot of people.  There’s already one record company interested in the group, and after this tour there’ll be others.  Frank, think about it, please.  It’s too good an opportunity to turn your back on.”

As I spoke I was watching Frank’s face for a sign my words were getting through.  He couldn’t be serious about all this, I kept telling myself.  He’s just nervous - everything’s happened so quickly.  He just needed to get used to the idea.  But Frank’s expression didn’t change.

“Do you honestly think I haven’t thought about it?” he asked in a tired voice.  “I’ve done nothing but think until my head’s splitting.  Sarah, love, I know it all sounds fantastic and I suppose for the right guy it is, but that guy’s not me.  I don’t want the pressures of that kind of life, and I certainly don’t want all the hassle clawing your way to the top brings.  All I really want is a quiet, ordinary life, and being able to play my guitar for pleasure when I want to play it - not when I’m told to play.”

“But surely the advantages would be worth it.  Oh, Frank...”  I went over to him and put my arms around his neck.  “I love you so much, and I’ve watched you work at the group, writing songs until all hours, and rehearsing every spare minute you’ve got.  Now you deserve to reap the rewards...and the world deserves the chance to see your talent.”

Frank looked down at me for a moment without saying a word.

“That’s a very pretty speech, Sarah,” he said slowly.  “But let me ask you one question.  Do you love me - really love me, I mean?”

I couldn’t believe he was even asking me.

“You know I do,” I told him firmly.

“Then why are you trying to push me into something I don’t want to do?” he asked in the same even voice.  “Or is it only the glamour you can see?  Travelling around the world... bright lights... drinking champagne in the best hotels...”

I pulled away from him angrily.

“How can you even suggest that?” I demanded

“Because you haven’t seemed a bit concerned about my reasons for wanting out,” he went on.  “For instance, you haven’t bothered to ask me what I’d be happiest doing.”

“All right, I’m asking - so tell me,” I challenged.

Frank didn’t hesitate.

“I’d be happier back in the print shop churning out brochures and letter headings,” he said.  “Not blasting audiences with 10,000 watts night after night, and worrying myself into the grave that one day I might end up going deaf like Pete Townsend!  And what if the applause stops?  Where do I go from there?”

“Now you’re being ridiculous,” I stormed.  “You’re getting paranoid!”

“Sarah, I’ve made my decision.  It wasn’t easy, but I know I can’t cope with the big-time,” Frank said quietly.

He picked up his guitar and started towards the door of the dressing room.  His shoulders were hunched with tension, and I couldn’t tell if he was angry or feeling let down by me.

continue