Toni’s Blog

Living with Brian was to live in fear.  And I was forced to make a decision which would effect the rest of my life...

Chris’ face was drawn and pale when he came home that morning.  He brushed aside my offer of breakfast and took my hands in his.

“I’ve got something to tell you, Vicki,” he said, his voice low and serious.  “And it can’t wait.”

My heart began to pound with fear.  When Chris had phoned the night before to tell me there’d been a train derailment at the viaduct and he had to stay on duty I didn’t think too much about it.  After living with a policeman for seven months I was used to that, but this time was different...

“Vicki, I’ve got some bad news,” Chris went on. “It’s Brian...  I’m afraid he’s dead.”

My whole body went numb and I couldn’t take his words in.

“What...what happened?” I whispered shakily.

Chris led me over to the sofa and put his arm around me.

“He was a passenger on the train,” he told me quietly.  “The carriage he was in took the worst of the damage.  There was a photo of you with two little girls in his wallet and his driving licence told me the rest.  Vicki, I...”

“The twins?” I demanded suddenly.  “Wendy and Karen?  Were they...?”

Chris shook his head.

“He was travelling alone - on business probably.”

“Oh, thank God,” I breathed with relief.  “Thank God...”

“Vicki, you know what this means, don’t you?”  Chris asked.

I nodded.  “Yes...  It means that after two years of heartbreak I can have my daughters back!”

While Chris had a shower I cooked his breakfast.  My mind was going round in circles as I planned what to do next  If the girls weren’t with Brian, they were obviously staying with his mother.

“I’ve got to go to Manchester,” I told Chris when he came into the kitchen.

“Darling, it won’t be easy,” He sighed.  “From what you told me about your mother-in-law, she isn’t the most charitable of women, and...”

“And I was the one who left the marriage and my children,” I finished for him.  “But I had good cause, Chris, and I’ll fight her to get my girls back.  There hasn’t been a day when I haven’t thought of them...dreamed of holding them in my arms again...”

My voice broke and Chris covered my hand with his.

“I know,” he said as he looked straight into my eyes.  “That’s why I’ve arranged to have a few days off.  I thought we’d drive up there tomorrow.”

“Oh, Chris...”  Tears stung my eyes.  “I love you so much.”

When Chris finally went to bed I rang the hotel to tell them I needed a few days off , then I made myself some coffee.

I was excited and apprehensive at the same time.  Excited at knowing I need no longer fear my husband, and apprehensive at the thought of what my mother-in-law would say when I went to see her.

Brian’s mother and I had never got on, and when I’d walked out on him she must have got a real kick thinking she’d been right about me all along.  But Mrs. Metcalfe had never known the truth about her son, and I’d been far too ashamed to tell her.

I felt a stab of pain as I remembered the past...

For two years, since I’d left my daughters with their father, I’d been a prisoner of my own guilt, now I had to face that guilt and deal with it.  It was time to stop running.  There were two six-year-old girls who needed me.  I hadn’t wanted to leave them, but Brian had made it impossible for me to stay...

We’d been married five years then and Wendy and Karen had been four.  The first year of our marriage had been wonderful.  Brian was a loving, gentle husband, and the second-hand car business he’d started with a friend was doing really well.  All in all life was everything I’d ever wished for.

Soon after I’d had the twins we moved into a beautiful modern house and I didn’t want for a thing.  My pregnancy had been quite easy, but getting the house organised and learning to cope with two tiny babies was more difficult than I’d ever dream.

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