Toni’s Blog

It had taken a long time to mend my broken heart, now it looked as though I’d have to mend it all over again...

“Steve?  No, love, he’s not here,” the barman told me.  “He left this afternoon.  His job’s finished – surely he told you?”

I thanked him, picked up my drink and walked over to a quiet table.  My heart was breaking, but I didn’t dare let it show.  I’d had a broken heart before, and I didn’t want anyone to see it was happening again.  It was more than I could bear.

How could Steve do this to me, I cried silently.  Only last night as I’d lain in the warm circle of his arms he’d told me how much he loved me, that he’d never leave me.  So why, when everything was going so well for us...

Steve had come to our village on a special job.  They were building a new factory and he was working on the planning side.  I’d met him in this same pub a few weeks after he’d arrived, and he’d said then that he’d be around for about three months.

At first my friend, Gina, had warned me he probably had a wife and half a dozen children at home, but I’d just laughed.  Steve had laughed too when I’d told him.

“Sorry, Debbie,” he’d said, in a light hearted way.  “But I’ve never been married.  Never met the right girl.”

Then he’d looked at me, a soft light in his eyes that said maybe he had now.  My heart had sung with joy, for I was already in love with him.

I had no reason to doubt him then, and I had no reason now.  Except he’d promised to meet me here tonight to say goodbye and he’d already left.  His job was finished.  The factory was still a long way from being complete but Steve’s part of the job was over.

“No doubt the company will have something else lined up for me somewhere,” Steve had said sadly.  “But I’ll never stop loving you, Debbie, and we’ll be together again as soon as it’s possible.”

I could only think he’d changed his mind.  That he’d never really loved me at all.  I was just a quick fling to pass the time.

As I sat in the bar I thought back to the night we’d first made love.  We were fed up with sitting in restaurants or bars, fed up with going for walks.  Steve and I wanted to be together somewhere warm and quiet, where we could talk without being overheard.

I’d been a bit reluctant when he’d suggested his room at the hotel, but he’d only laughed and told me he never seduced women, he always let them seduce him!  I’d laughed, too, but for all the funny remarks there was a serious look in Steve’s eyes.  By then I knew him well enough to know when he was joking, and this wasn’t one of them.  He wasn’t pushy, and was happy to take things at my pace.

Steve had lounged on the bed while I sat in the armchair.  He’d bought a bottle of wine, and the light from the lamp cast a warm glow over us.

For some reason I was in a sombre mood.  Maybe it was the closeness I felt with Steve, and the fear that he, too, might one day leave me.  It was then I told him about my broken marriage, the agony of admitting my husband had found someone else to love, and the dreadful pain of the divorce and knowing I’d lost him forever.

I’d got over that now.  The wound in my heart had healed and I felt ready to love again.  Steve seemed to understand how I felt, and when my eyes misted with tears he’d come straight to my side, comforting me and holding me tightly.

“Don’t cry, my darling,” he’d whispered.  “We’ve got each other now.  There’s no need for you to ever be sad again.  I love you, Debbie, you’re the only one I ever have loved.”

His eyes had told me he was speaking the truth, and the strength of his arms around me made me feel safe in that love.

I’d lifted my lips to meet his and I didn’t protest when he lifted me gently onto the bed.

Our love had been sweet.  Not with passionate desire or the yearning to feel our bodies united as one, but in a gentle, tender way that made me feel wanted and secure.  Afterwards we’d lain in each others arms and whispered soft words of love.

Steve had mentioned the future once or twice, but I’d always stopped him, afraid if we planned too much too soon it would all burst like a bubble and leave me with another broken heart.

We’d spent a lot of our time together in Steve’s room after that.  Talking, laughing and always making love.  They were wonderful times when I’d think the world was beautiful for me again, and nothing could take away my happiness.

Now Steve had gone.  Leaving me alone and lonely.  I touched the seat beside me where Steve should have been sitting and I felt the tears well into my eyes.

Why, oh why had he done this?  Why had he been so cruel?  So many promises and now they were all broken...

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